Short Attention Span Review: "Heroes" 3/30

Ma Petrelli and Peter spent the whole episode inside a church, debating God and family, until the Horn-Rimmed Anvil Brigade arrived.

Danko went partying with Sylar. That serial-killing supervillain sure knows how to have a good time!

And Nathan took his underage ex-cheerleader daughter across the border to Mexico to booze it up and sleep in a flophouse. It was all kind of squicky. I mean, it was obviously even making the motel manager look a bit queasy and YOU KNOW he's seen some screwed up stuff in his day, often involving donkeys, blow, and handcuffs.

Am I the only one who thinks they set Sylar up with shapeshifting so he could get *stuck* in a different form in the event that Zachary Quinto hits the road after the release of Star Trek?

Short Attention Span Review: "24" 3/30

Tony, Tony, Tony. How many times do I have to tell you? CHECK THE BODY FOR A PULSE BEFORE YOU ACCEPT THAT HE'S DEAD.

Do you think Jack Bauer would have made the same mistake? DO YOU? I DIDN'T THINK SO. Of course, now Jack needs to get fitted for a special drool bib and some Depends.

Yay for Aaron sticking around a bit longer!

Short Attention Span Review: "House" 3/30

An episode almost entirely in Mos Def's brain! I have to say, it was kind of amusing to hear him snarking about the same things I snark about: Constantly shifting diagnoses, the unhealthy relationships between House and, well, everybody else...

And I love that it all came down to rat pee AND that the revelation didn't come to *House*. Nicely done.

ALAS, JUICEBOX - Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the DMV

It was getting on toward April and, as usual, I had procrastinated.

Last week, I took the signed title for the Scion xB that my stepfather gave me and proceeded to the DMV office in Southhills strip mall, off Buck Jones Road. The last time I made this trip was to make the old Honda Accord a legitimate North Carolina automobile. It had cost me about $90.

So, on the way to the DMV this time, I withdrew $100 in cash. They don't take debit cards at the DMV - just cash and checks. I didn't bring a checkbook. See, I was in the Cub Scouts, but only for about a week. Preparedness is for the weak!

In all fairness, Karen didn't think my logic was too sound when I told her that I'd only take $100 to the DMV. She thought the title transfer cost might be based on the value of the car. The Scion is much newer than the Honda and could actually yield a higher fee.

Did I listen? Well, I listened, sure! But did I do anything about the contingency?

Heck, no!

I arrived at the DMV at about 8:45, right after they opened. This would give me plenty of time to make it back to work for the scrum meeting at 9:30. The line? Non-existent! I walked right up to the counter, handed over the title, my driver's license, and proof of insurance.

Everything was going along just fine. The clerk had the new tag and registration, all ready to shove into my grubby hands. Then she told me it'd cost $280.

Well, that's the price of throwing caution to the wind, isn't it?

"I don't have that much on me," I confessed. "Is there an ATM nearby?"

She directed me to the kiosk in the corner of the room. Excellent! I walked over, slid my card in the slot, and asked for MORE DAMNED MONEY.

But the ATM cried out: "No hiding place!" Or something to that effect.

I ran the card through a couple more times. No luck.

"Is there ANOTHER machine?" I asked the clerk.

She directed me down the hall to the next ATM. I slid the card in the slot of that machine. But the ATM cried out: "CAN'T DO THIS NOW!" I repeated the effort again and again. Nothing.

Now I'm getting pissed.

Back to the DMV, where I tell the clerk I'll be right back. There's a Suntrust Bank in the outparcel of the strip mall. I jump in the Juicebox - the Scion - and scoot on over to the bank. It is now about 9 a.m. I run the debit card through the slot. But the ATM cried out: "CAN'T DO THIS NOW!" It could not do this now several more times.

Now I'm seething. But I know there's a Bank of America branch about two miles away. I get back in the Juicebox. A few minutes later, I'm standing at the BoA ATM at Walnut and Maynard. But the ATM cried out: "CAN'T DO THIS NOW!"

At this point, I'm theorizing that the banks are REALLY holding on tight to MY money, so I go into the bank office itself. I walk up to the teller and explain that I'd really like to take my money to the DMV so I can get my license plate out of hock.

The teller confirms that I've got the money available. She's certainly willing to hand over the cash. But FIRST she wants to tell me about some senseless new bank account initiatives that will somehow make the bank money in the long run. All I want to do is get back to the DMV so I can hopefully make it back to work in time for the sprint meeting.

As I'm driving back to the DMV, my iPhone rings. It's an automated recording from Bank of America whining about irregular activity from my debit card. The message, which I'm listening to without benefit of paper or pen, insists that I call back and enter a specific alphanumeric code to deal with this matter. If I don't deal with the problem by April 1, well, the recording indicates that a hold might be placed on my account.

Well, now I'm just plain furious.

I return to the DMV, hand over the cash, take my change and license plate, and then I head back to work. It's 9:40 by the time I arrive, so I've missed the sprint meeting.

I'm not sitting in my desk even 20 minutes before I get an email from Bank of America. Rather than waiting until April 1, they've decided to go ahead and place a hold on my debit card. It's for the good of us all, apparently. The email indicates I have to call a special number to confirm the strange activity came from me.

All full of hope that I'll get to call a real person and go blue in the face shrieking at them, my dreams are thwarted by another recording. Essentially, I'm just required to hit "1" over and over again as it runs down every single attempt I made to take money out of my account that morning.

Not much satisfaction there.

But the Juicebox is now really, seriously, no kidding officially mine now. Huzzah!

Short Attention Span Review: "Dollhouse" 3/27

A disinhibiting drug is on the loose. Echo's nowhere nearby until she sees something on TV while doing strange and different things with her old buddy Max and then, of course, she has to go to the college to have flashbacks with the rest of the Actives.

The big plan gone wrong this week: Actives aren't affected by the drug, so they can pretend to be competent government agents and doctors. Except it turns out they CAN be affected by the drug.

Meanwhile, Paul makes eggs and gets chewed out for being too clingy.

And then, back at the Dollhouse, everyone's going all Amok Time - except geeky.

I dunno. Not feeling the love.

Short Attention Span Review: "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" 3/27

John and Sarah take a road trip to visit dear old pal Charlie.

Everybody lives happily ever after. Except they don't.

Meanwhile, back at Crazy Red-Head Labs, John Henry gets back-doored by his "brother" in some kind of whacked-out computer incest episode that's bound to land him on Dr. Phil - especially because it leads to the Geek Squad running an intervention to cut off his Internet addiction.

Then Sarah makes a special guest appearance in a public service announcement about breast exams, except it's really about the dangers of self-defibrillation and men with handcarts.

I think John's gone fishing now. Charlie's chumming the water, though. Sad.

Short Attention Span Review: "Monsters vs. Aliens"

A lot of the best stuff from this movie really was in the commercials, but:

* Keifer Sutherland as Warren Monger? Pretty good.
* Stephen Colbert as the President? Not bad. Playing the Beverly Hills Cop theme to communicate with the aliens? Priceless.
* Good message about girl power or some such something or other.

Also: I want to use a couple of sports cars as roller skates. Can I?

Short Attention Span Review: "LOST" 3/25

Sayid's episodes are almost always as good as the Locke episodes.

This was no exception.

Great storytelling. Poor Sayid, though. I don't think that solution really fixed the problem.

Short Attention Span Review: "24" 3/23

Quite a bit going on in this episode.

Enjoyed seeing Jack struggle with the choice between saving Security Guard Trip and letting him die.

And I thought it was almost laughable that Jack ended up pulling an Indiana Jones, grabbing control of the truck carrying the bioweapon - complete with the scene where he yanks out the driver and sends him rolling on the road. I expected to see a bunch of black-faced commandos crawling along the big crate to attack him!

But now Jack might actually be in peril thanks to inhaling what I guess was not, in fact, Glade air freshener.

However, as much good as there was in this episode, I just have to call SHENANIGANS! These Starkwood guys were ready to put a bullet in Security Guard Trip, but took *Tony* - an ACTUAL THREAT - hostage?

SHENANIGANS, I say!

Short Attention Span Review: "Heroes" 3/23

Wow.

The show is back.

Bryan Fuller's return comes with good pacing, a nice twist for Daphne, and a really cool ending for Tracy.

And a baby with powers helps Hiro! WOO!

Heroes has found its heart again.

Requiem for Gekfequehem

This little spammer is awfully persistent.

Every day, without fail, this account is created on my text-based game forums. Every day, without fail, I nuke the little bastard.

I ran a Google search: Gekfequehem ONLY shows up as a user on the Jointhesaga.com forums.

He's my white whale. Or I'm the white whale. He COULD be Ahab. Either way, there's a harpoon going into him.

Short Attention Span Review: "Kings" 3/22

Ian McShane is awesome. Even in bad movies, he seems to be awesome. In the new NBC series, Kings, I'd vote for him!

Kings is very cool. It's got dialogue that's sometimes prosaic and difficult to follow - like McShane's old show, Deadwood. The visuals are great. The supporting cast - especially Dylan Baker - are worth watching.

The allegory in this David and Goliath tale gets a bit heavy-handed sometimes, but it is still shaping up to be a great moment in television. I can't imagine the show lasting too terribly long, but as an extended sort of miniseries - it could be unforgettable.

Short Attention Span Review: "Dollhouse" 3/20

EPISODE SIX! The much-vaunted, oft-ballyhooed answer to all our prayers for this latest Joss Whedon-Fox partnership.

How was it? Well, it was much better than the tripe that's come before, and it's hard to go wrong with Patton Oswalt. But color me completely unsurprised that Agent Helo's neighbor turned out to be an Active.

I dunno. It wasn't awful. Some of the dialogue wasn't wretched. But I winced almost every time Agent Helo spoke. And what was with slamming fellow Agent Badger against a wall in front of witnesses? Seriously?!

Loved the fight between Agent Helo and Echo, though. That was fun to watch.

Hard to say if this marks a GOOD turning point for Dollhouse, but at least I'm now willing to give it another week.

Short Attention Span Review: "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" 3/20

Okay, so:

I liked the back (forward?) story about the Jimmy Carter and the special package Jessie and friends went to pick up.

I liked John Henry's exploration of the soul and D&D miniature painting.

But I didn't much care for John Connor's sudden "Oh, I was totally onto this whole Riley was faking it for a long time" thing. That made no damned sense at all.

SHENANIGANS, show! I've called you out!

Over the Oaks

I was just about ready to give up and accept that we were just going to have to live here in the Oaks at Weston for another year.

I'm tired of this place. It's been a good home, all in all, but lately some things really aggravate me.

First and foremost, the parking situation. People who run out of parking spaces in the apartment buildings to either side take up the spaces in front of our building, leaving people like me to have to park half a block from home. (I know, boo-hoo, I have to walk and get a little exercise, but this really sucks in the winter or in the rain.)

Second, the stairs. I'm tired of having to climb stairs just to get into the main part of the apartment. (Again, this is kind of whiny. The exercise is useful. But it gets old and it's hard to keep those carpeted steps clean.)

Third, we need a bigger space to live in. Karen has made admirable use of the subpar kitchen, but she needs more.

Fourth, I'd like to have fewer things to freak Huck out. Having neighbors on either side or below means we always hear doors closing, water flowing, and occasionally people talking. This just wigs him out. That leads to lots of barking. No one has ever complained about him, but it makes ME cranky when it happens.

So, we've been hunting for a new place for the last month or so: A detached rental home with its own garage and enough space for us to be comfortable.

We thought we'd found it in Holly Springs/Apex, but the owner there sold it while keeping us on hook and line for renting it.

We thought we'd found it in Macarthur Park in Cary, but the owner there rented it before we made up our minds to take it.

But then we really did find it in Breckenridge in Morrisville. We got approved for it, I put the deposit down on it, and hopefully tomorrow I'll be signing the lease for it.

The next few weeks are already going to be crazy at work. Now it'll be crazy at home too as we gear up to move.

Be careful what you wish for!

Short Attention Span Review: "Battlestar Galatica" 3/20

That finale was frakking amazing. It was, for my money, one of the best episodes of any television show - ever. Action, drama, jaw-dropping visuals - Galactica coming under assault near a black hole and ramming the bejeezus out of the Cylon colony, for example - and an amazing tapestry of flashbacks and powerful music. It had everything.

I take back, once again, all the awful things I said about this show after I watched the miniseries.

It will be missed.

Now I'm on Twitter too...

As if I needed another distraction!

http://twitter.com/DougPiranha

Short Attention Span Review: "LOST" 3/18

Heh-heh-heh-heh.

Funniest moment I've seen on LOST in a long time: Sun standing over Ben after whalloping him unconscious with a paddle, and Lupidus says, "I thought you trusted him." Her answer: "I lied." GOLD. Sun has come a long way since the first days on the beach after the crash of Flight 815.

I'm still a little dazed and confused by all the time travel jibber-jabber - some people are in the 21st Century and some are back in the Dharma Disco Days. But what I do know is: Sun came on strong, Sawyer has really evolved into an awesome leader (and calling Jack out for being more "reactive" in his leadership style was terrific), and Kate barely said a word.

Oh, the other great moment: Hurley, upon hearing they're in 1977. "Uh...I...what?"

My love for this show has been renewed all over again. If only Heroes could pull off a similar trick.

Short Attention Span Review: "24" 3/16

All right - that was probably the best hour of the show I've seen in a LONG TIME. Hell, they even had me fished in that it really might have been the Metro cops outside the senator's place. Maybe Jack really could catch a break and work with the system...

...but NO! Jerks!

Lots of good stuff - the Bourne-like battle between Jack and Quinn, the brinksmanship between Ethan and Olivia, the machinations of the Starkwood gang, and even Larry's IQ increase were well on display.

Short Attention Span Review: "House" 3/16

Another great episode, this time featuring Death Cat!

I thought the Taub subplot was a good one, but sad - he's really, really, really desperate to get back to being who he used to be and it ALMOST cost him the shirt off his back.

And Kuttner's revenge for all of House's teasing? Priceless.

Also: I can't help but think we're going to see Judy Greer's character again. She's a pretty good foil for House.

Short Attention Span Review: "You're Welcome, America" 3/14

So, HBO has been hyping this Will Ferrell send-up of George W. Bush for a good while.

Unfortunately, in my book, that president has higher approval ratings than this pitiful excuse for satire.

I knew it was in dire straits when, not even 10 minutes into the show, they started showing penis pictures and making "stimulus package" jokes.

Not good. Not good at all.

Short Attention Span Review: "Dollhouse" 3/13

This week, Echo's blind and joining a crazy cult - a cult that is apparently more sinister to the ATF than, say, a big building full of attractive reprogrammable automatonoids.

If only viewers could be so blind. And deaf. Seriously. The dialogue...

Is next week Episode Six? Isn't that the one that's supposed to herald the arrival of the good episodes?

Short Attention Span Review: "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" 3/13

Derek's back! Some! But first...

...John Henry wants to play a game and Ellison's not amused. But Shirley Manson gets a bit of a kick out of it.

Meanwhile, Riley's dead and Cameron's a prime suspect.

And somewhere in the future-past: Jessie plays Hunt for Red October in Skynet country.

To be continued? WHAT THE HELL?!

Short Attention Span Review: "Battlestar Galactica" 3/13

Tonight's episode demonstrated why Battlestar Galactica is, on its best nights, one of the finest television shows ever.

I loved the flashbacks that set up the characters in this episode much more than I did their introduction in the miniseries. And the scene where the admiral decides to go after Hera and draws a red line down the middle of the hangar deck with Starbuck, giving people the choice to go with Galactica and die in a blaze of glory or stay behind and listen to Gaius yammer on the radio...well, that was just fantastic.

Have I mentioned I'm going to miss this show after it ends next week?

Short Attention Span Review: "Castle" 3/9

Take Murder, She Wrote. Replace Cabot Cove with Manhattan and turn Angela Lansbury into Nathan Fillion. There you go: Castle!

It's not a bad show. Because it's Fillion, former star of Firefly, I really want to like it. However, if the pilot is anything to judge it by, I don't like the long-term prospects of the series.

The heavy-handed exposition was too much. Example: His publisher (and ex-wife to boot) asks him why he killed off his main character AT THE BOOK LAUNCH PARTY. It seems like the obvious question a publisher would ask when the manuscript arrives. And conveniently having his mom and too-wise-for-her-age daughter at the party where he's signing breasts - really not making much sense.

But the dialogue was pretty good and Fillion is likable. Not sure that's enough to make the show watchable, though.

Short Attention Span Review: "Heroes" 3/9

I didn't hate this episode, mostly because I spent most of it imagining that the power play between Denko and Petrelli was an allegory for the struggle between Jeff Loeb and Tim Kring for the creative direction of the show. Denko (or, as I think of him, Loeb) keeps coming up with one crazy idea after another: Making sure Tracy can break free of her bonds, setting up Peter for a hitman, tying explosives to Matt Parkman and dumping him on the Capitol steps. Petrelli (or, as I think of him, Kring) balances this with subversive antics and hidden agendas - and ultimately kicks Denko to the curb.

Maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

John Glover is ALWAYS fun to watch. Doubly so as Darth Sylar.

Oh, look, Hiro and Ando are back. To babysit. Whee?

Short Attention Span Review: "24" 3/9

IF PEOPLE DON'T LISTEN TO JACK BAUER, PEOPLE DIE.

(Also, if people DO listen to Jack Bauer, people die.)

See, the thing is, Jack is death on wheels. If he calls you up and offers to help you move, tell him you'd rather throw out your back hefting the hide-a-bed on your own. If you find out you need a kidney and Jack says in his raspy voice, "I'm a donor match," you just say, "Thanks, no, I'll just use this old air filter from the General Lee."

Finally: So long, Bill. That was kind of a rushed and stupid way to go, but, hey. It was real.

Short Attention Span Review: "House" 3/9

Woo! New House episode, and it was excellent. I've always liked Jay Karnes (formerly of The Shield) and he did not disappoint as Patient of the Week - a normally nice enough guy who suffers an ailment that makes him act like, well, House. And the House subplot with Wilson was pretty cool too.

Yay.

Life without WoW...

...might be a lot more productive. Seriously.

I took the last week or so away from my race to gather achievements on World of Warcraft. As a result, OtherSpace now has:

* Its own achievement system, with badges.
* A new tutorial area.
* Event cards.
* Action cards.
* The foundations of a new crafting system.
* An open house.
* Quite a bit of promotional advertising around the web.

Go figure.

Of course, now I'm going back to work on my Loremaster achievement, dammit.

Short Attention Span Review: "Dollhouse" 3/6

Karen winced at the crappy "Taffy" dialogue as delivered by Eliza Dushku, safecracker extraordinaire, in this episode. I assured her the problem wasn't the dialogue - it was the actress.

Well, wouldn't you know it, we got to find out! Taffy gets a mindwipe in the middle of the job, so they have to imprint Echo's gal pal. So, we get to hear a different actress utter the dialogue.

Yeah. It didn't get any better. Sorry, Eliza. My bad. The lines were just awful.

Also, when Topher asked Dewitt if he was fired, the answer totally should have been: "Yes." He must have heaps of bad information about her if she's willing to keep his incompetent ass around.

Short Attention Span Review: "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"

I'd almost forgotten Derek was still on the show.

When Riley checked out the scrubbing cleanser warning, I totally expected that to be a setup for her final solution.

But, no, she went with a different kind of suicide in the end.

Cameron's twitchy slow-motion breakdown is interesting.

But, seriously, we left Derek sitting out in the weeds in the dark? That was his big contribution to this episode?

Short Attention Span Review: "Battlestar Galactica" 3/6

I've heard this episode described by some as depressing and boring. It came across as neither to me. It was actually pretty cathartic and dramatic. Galactica was due for decommissioning even before she became the (almost) last of the battlestars. It's amazing she survived this long under the stress of holding the tattered remnants of humanity together - especially after those mad in-atmosphere hijinks that Adama pulled off at New Caprica.

Intriguing stuff. I hate to see this series ending, but I love the way it's wrapping up thus far.

Short Attention Span Review: "Watchmen"

Overall, this was a good movie. Like the graphic novel, it's got some points where it gets dragged down by too much of the talky-talky, but the visuals were great. The movie's not without other faults, though. Some of the actors weren't up to their tasks (Silk Specter and Ozymandius, I'm looking at you) and the gore and violence were so over the top that the fight scenes lost a lot of their visceral potential. (In Dark Knight, you don't actually SEE the pencil go into the guy's eye - the suggestion that it just happened is plenty to make an audience squirm.) Anyway, worth watching on the big screen, but be sure to take plenty of snacks.

Short Attention Span Review: U2 - "No Line on the Horizon"

So, I picked up No Line on the Horizon, U2's newest album. Inevitably, it's nowhere near as good as Joshua Tree or Achtung Baby, but it's *interesting*. It's not a very good Bono album. It's not a very good Edge album. But it's pretty good for U2.

The one song I really can't abide is "Get Your Boots On," but, hey, I'll live.

Short Attention Span Review: "LOST" 3/4

Yay! An episode that catches us up on Sawyer's gang back on Time Travel Island, in which they meet Michelle Dessler from "24" and she totally dupes the con artist and his pals, and then she's pregnant (BUT WILL SHE DIE?!). Sawyer tells Horace (ALIVE AGAIN!) he's over Kate and then, of course, Kate shows up. What will she think of him shacking up with the blonde doctor?

Hell, I don't care. At this point, I'm happier to see Sawyer reunited with Hurley. I'd kinda like the smoke monster to drag Jack and Kate away.

Short Attention Span Review: "24" 3/2

Well, at least stuff happened in this 2-hour episode. Too bad a lot of it didn't make any sense.

Seriously. Here's a question from the "24" universe FBI field exam:

When you're being chased through the dark by a madman with a machine gun and you happen upon a park ranger with a radio and a car and that ranger gets shot dead by the madman, do you...

A) OMGFREAKOUT and run off through the darkness, ignoring the car as a getaway method?
B) Rely on agents on the perimeter to solve the problem?
C) Jump in the car and, if possible, run over the guy with the gun?

If you answered C, I'm sorry, but you're totally unqualified to work as an FBI agent in the "24" universe.

Short Attention Span Review: "Heroes" 3/2

Well, I've seen worse episodes this season.

But that was still pretty bad.

Short Attention Span Review: "Battlestar Galactica" 2/27

And the Chief lets himself get fished in all over again!

I really liked the musical underpinning of this episode - and what the hell with Hera's juvenile genius bit!

The Final Five seem like a pretty pathetic bunch.

Poor Galactica.