It's over - officially!

Today in the mail I received a copy of the final order, issued on Dec. 4 in a Florida court, that dissolves my 16-year marriage to Joy. She gets her name back. I'm freed of any and all potential obligations - and a big weight is lifted off of me because there's no more uncertainty, no more ambiguity, no more wondering if it's really over or not.

Closure.

Glad to have it.

Turns out...

...She didn't send it via FedEx. The envelope came via USPS and has been sitting in my P.O. box for five days. (I only get down to the office once or twice a week to check my mail there.)

Anyway, I've got it now. She helpfully tabbed the areas I need to sign. A few of the pages require a notary, so that's fun right there. But all she's asking for is her name back, and I think that's fair enough.

I'll get it taken care of in the morning.

Taking action...

So, I got tired of waiting.

I talked it over with Karen and she recommended that I call Joy's parents and urge them to get her moving on the divorce paperwork.

I hadn't talked to them for more than a year, since they helped her move out of our apartment. We always used to get along all right, even when I argued with her father over politics - he's been a pretty solid George W. Bush supporter, unlike me. But it's pretty humiliating having to call after what they'd been a party to last year.

Still, someone has to get the ball rolling and, as usual, it's me.

I tracked down her father's number in Palm Bay and called yesterday morning. When he answered, I said hello and asked how he was doing. Then I asked to talk to Joy. If she was there, I thought I would go ahead and ask her directly.

Turns out, she wasn't there. She had left without her folks knowing, which isn't a big surprise. She was always pretty good at quietly disappearing.

I left a message: It's been three weeks since I sent the information. Where's my FedEx package and my life?

Still waiting...

It has now been more than two weeks since I sent Joy the information she needed for the divorce. I haven't even had confirmation that she received it, let alone a FedEx package with papers for me to sign.

I hate loose ends. I just want it done.

Restless Spouse Syndrome?

I couldn't get to sleep last night. I felt antsy and anxious. So, I got out of bed, logged on the computer, and ran around World of Warcraft to fill out more of my map for those exploration achievements. I was doing whatever I could not to think about whatever it was I was fidgeting about.

When I got bored with WoW, I started watching one of three episodes of Dexter that I'm trying to catch up on. I was 10 minutes into the episode when it clicked in my head. I knew what was bugging me: I hadn't heard from Joy since sending her my answers for the divorce filing on Monday. Not even a confirmation that she got the information.

This is bad for my personality, because I'm like a shark: I have to keep moving forward. I can't stand going in stupid circles or trying to swim backward or sitting in one place for very long.

Once I realized what was wrong and knew I couldn't settle the problem in the middle of the night by watching TV, I felt I could sleep.

And I did.

Necessary Questions

It's been nearly a year since Joy left, ending any chance of saving our marriage. In North Carolina, you've got to wait one year and a day after the official separation to file for divorce.

On Sunday, as we were coming back from vacation, Karen and I talked about how busy I was likely to be in November with court activity. It seemed obvious that I was going to have to take the initiative and file for divorce here, hoping somehow to get the papers to Joy in Florida.

Monday morning, though, I found an email from Joy in my in-box from the week I was on vacation. It seems that she has taken the initiative and started the proceedings via an online site. The email included a lot of probing finance-related questions that must be answered by both parties in an uncontested divorce.

So, I sent back the answers as quick as I could. I'm not fighting this split. I've fought all I care to for that relationship and now I'm past it. I'm very glad that she has taken the ball and run with it on this - saves me a load of work in November, to be quite honest, if all I have to do is sign papers for her.

It may just be a matter of days now before our marriage is really officially over.