Short Attention Span Review: "V" Pilot Episode

If Morena Baccarin showed up on a big screen TV above my city, I think I'd happily surrender.

That said: While the new show improves on the campy original, the pilot episode is far too rushed. It introduces a lot of characters, a couple of not-unexpected plot twists, and at least one that surprised me. Good to see Alan Tudyk back at work. ABC is clearly becoming the network sanctuary for old Firefly cast members. When will Jewel Staite and Ron Glass get their own shows?

Short Attention Span Review: "Heroes" 10/26

One more chance. Karen jokes that I say this every week, but this time I'm SERIOUS!

The past couple of episodes have just been dull on top of boring for Heroes. Peter and HRG visit a kid whose power is basically stolen from Pushing Daisies long enough for Peter to steal the power and for the kid to be exposed as a freakish parent-killer. Then Peter leaves to help Hiro, who has gone off in time to save Charlie back in the first season, while HRG sticks around to play Big Brother to the new kid. He calls in Tracy for backup.

Naturally, all goes well, except for the part where the kid gets dragged to death through town by the cops.

Back at Camp Parkman, BrainSylar and Matt are vying for control of Parkman's body - and I think Janice would probably vote in favor of BrainSylar. Matt, let's face it, you apparently don't bring the A game.

At Sunnyvale University...er, wait, wrong school...Claire and her gal-pal make meta jokes about slash fiction sites on the web and endure a hazing ritual in a slaughterhouse that ends with impaling and one too many "OH MY GOD."

If this show goes on for another season, it really needs to undergo a massive purge. It's suffering from character bloat and crisis-itis. The bloat in this show is so bad that some characters have gone double to show up in almost every scene, like Sylar. I fully expect the third Tracy to show up any time. Maybe an evil twin for Hiro?

Short Attention Span Review: "Inglorious Basterds"

Finally got to see this before it escaped theaters. I'm glad I did - it seems most worthwhile to see this movie on the big screen (especially the explosive finale).

That said: I didn't *love* this movie. My problem with it comes down to the simple fact that two storylines are leading to the same conclusion and diminishing each other as a result. Shoshanna's vengeful plan to blow up Hitler's top men in the cinema runs parallel to the Basterds' plan to blow up Hitler's top men in the cinema. A friend correctly noted that this is basically two movies competing with each other inside of one. Neither comes out the winner.

Some elements of the movie were winners for me, though. Christopher Waltz was a great surprise as Hans Landa. I most enjoyed the scenes where people just talked and tension built, and he was in most of those.

Short Attention Span Review: "Heroes" 10/12

Slipping, slipping, slipping...into disinterest.

Ernie Hudson's inexplicable surliness toward amnesia-Sylar, the shrink woman's utter willingness to go along with the sad-eyed serial-killing superhero, and all the bleh dialogue that went with it bored me to the point that I was spending far more time paying attention to continuity problems (behold Sylar's ever-shifting beard growth and hair placement!) than I was to what they were saying.

Claire Bennett and Stalker Girl, plus Invisible Carny Girl who frames Stalker Girl? BORING. Bring on the snipers and special effects!

Peter and the deaf girl: More interesting without Peter. At first, I thought having the power to be a human game of Simon was the lamest superpower ever. But then I saw she could peel paint and remove wallpaper. She's hired.

Short Attention Span Review: "House" 10/12

This episode was certainly an improvement over last week's, although I don't exactly get why billionaire dad had to bankrupt himself (and his son) in order to save the kid.

Enjoyed seeing House back to his old tricks of manipulating his minions, while also demonstrating why he doesn't normally interact with patients. (But interacting with them anyway!)

I really couldn't care less about Thirteen's whole "will she or won't she?" plot. If she could go to Mars and stay there, that'd be awesome. Her relationship with Foreman doesn't do this show any favors. Ever.

Short Attention Span Review: "Stargate Universe" 10/9

All right, I think a quick and merciful death is in order for this show. This episode MADE NO EFFING SENSE.

You're running out of air aboard the ancient ship. The ship takes you to a planet with a breathable atmosphere. And you only send a *handful* of people off ship to hunt for limestone to go into the filtration system? You leave behind everybody else so they can look miserable and jeopardized, rather than allowing everyone to get a breath of fresh air? Maybe have extra legs and eyes and arms to hunt for what you're after? Because, seriously, two of the people you sent were pudgy and out of shape to begin with - and you didn't even include a real doctor on the walkabout?

All of it was just a really lame excuse to give us Scott's Hoth-esque exposition moments as he staggered around following a dust devil.

And color me totally confused and grumpy about the communication modules. Those scenes would have made much more sense to me if the "puppet" people had done the talking. However, I understand that Lou Diamond Phillips - who should have been one of the puppets - isn't as available as they'd hoped. Anyway, it just seemed pointless and awkward and hard to follow.

Bad start, folks.

Short Attention Span Review: "Fringe" 10/8

In this episode, we find out that the Parallelinators have mercury in their blood. And we get an extended conversation with William Bell in the Alt World Trade Center after Agent Dunham downs a protein shake made from tapeworms.

Much better than the Monster of the Week episode of last time. Enjoyed Theresa Russell as Walter's loopy sees-parallel-people girlfriend. Nice little reminder with Peter's "halo" at the end.

And I guess that's it for Charlie?

Anyway, good episode this time around. Much happier.

Short Attention Span Review: "Glee" 10/7

This show about awkward teenage performers already won me over with its off-kilter premise before I saw it. But now, every week, I watch it for pretty much one reason: Sue Sylvester. In this episode, she demonstrated why on every front she's my favorite character. She's clever, crafty, wicked, spiteful ... and, deep down, desperate to win the approval and admiration of, well, everybody. I mean, she even lies about her age TO HER DIARY! And she gets the best lines, delivered with absolute deadpan, about how she was born in the Panama Canal zone, never got a passport, but ran for office twice.

Her machinations during this episode made the weird love quadrangle between Will, Terri, Emma, and the coach much more interesting than it usually is. And now she's co-coordinator of Glee Club from now on? Hooked already, but really hooked now.

Short Attention Span Review: "Heroes" 10-5

All right, so is Nathan REALLY dead this time? Is HE going to haunt Sylar now?

I'm just beyond having any interest in the old crop of Heroes characters. Seriously. Spending 20 minutes watching Hiro try to stop a guy from Xeroxing his ass? Mind-numbing and not fun. I want to know more about the carnies. I enjoyed watching Swoozie Kurtz avenge her daughter's death.

Amp it up, show!

Short Attention Span Review: "House" 10/5

James Earl Jones is an excellent actor, but I honestly can't say I loved this episode. The effort to justify killing a tyrant with a pat answer like "the moderates are in control now" doesn't (in my mind) do this show any favors. What strikes me as more likely is that some other tyrant would likely take control, thus rendering pointless what amounts to a normally intelligent character committing a political assassination.

Sorry, show, but I think that might have been a shark moment for me.

Short Attention Span Review: "Zombieland"

How to put this succinctly:

Tight, compact, clever, and fun. A horror movie with BRAIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNs!

Normally, I'm not a huge Woody Harrelson fan, but he's great in the role of the zombie apocalypse's answer to Han Solo. Jesse Eisenberg, on the other hand, needs to be careful not to get typecast into movies involving theme parks and the word "LAND" in the title. Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin are a promising couple of scoundrels on the make.

And what's not to like about a cameo from Bill Murray?

Short Attention Span Review: "Stargate Universe" Premiere - 10/2

Here's a new show that wants to fill the big boots of not one but TWO major SyFy franchises: Stargate SG-1 and Battlestar Galactica.

Take a mix of military and civvy people, throw in a scientist with a shaky moral compass who could be a hero or a villain (depending upon his mood at the time), and dump them all on a starship a bazillion light years from home.

Hi, welcome to SGU!

I didn't hate it. Maybe I gave it more of a chance because the "us" character is a pudgy gamer geek who solves a puzzle on an MMORPG and wins a ticket to the Stargate program. But the characters - particularly Nash, played by Robert Carlyle - are interesting enough to keep me watching for a little while.

Short Attention Span Review: "Fringe" 10/1

So here's the premise of this week's episode:

A crazy U.S. military commander turns former soldiers into human bombs to blow up in train stations, apparently as a means of thwarting the weird bald guy who likes to over-pepper his food.

First wha-?! moment: Astrid pulls up an FBI file on an unusual bombing in a Philadelphia train station that just happened. REALLY? It wasn't on CNN? Or Fox News? It's not HUUUUUGE news when a U.S. transportation center gets bombed? REALLY?!

Second wha-?! moment: The FBI Interwebz file says "No signs of explosive residue." The highly trained crime scene techs fail to notice the bits and pieces of organic shrapnel sticking out of everybody in the place, but Crazy Doc and Pacey? They're on the case!

Third wha-?! moment: The FBI can track a soldier to her *cab* while she's traveling under an alias, but the mysterious colonel can't be found unless they somehow triangulate his signal. And yet, with only seconds to spare after the triangulator is jammed, Pacey is able to pick him out through a potted fern.

Jesus H. Bojiggedy Boogers Christ, show. I want to love you. Stop the stupid.

Short Attention Span Review: "Heroes" 9/28

I think I'm just about done with this show.

The Parkman-Sylar craziness has gone beyond silly. I think we're supposed to be perversely drawn to the college ho-mance developing between Claire and alcopop heiress Madeline Zima, but I'm not. Peter's gullibility is second only to Parkman's. The show did too much telling and not enough *showing* - case in point: The mansion of the doomed! That was a missed opportunity.

I'm less intrigued by Samuel this week.

The one bright spot: Deaf girl who sees sounds as color. Life for her: One big game of Simon.

Short Attention Span Review: "House" 9/28

So, to make up for last week's premiere being pretty much all about Gregory House, we get an episode that's pretty much all about Foreman, Thirteen, and Taub while House plays Galloping Gourmet at Wilson's place.

The patient of the week: A video game designer who trolls the Internet for a diagnosis and uses reader polling to determine courses of treatment. So, of course, I thought that was rather cool.

Also cool: Andre Braugher seems poised to make regular appearances as House's shrink. Win!

Not so cool: I didn't really care about Foreman and his efforts to supplant House or wrestle with the conflict of interest issues of being his girlfriend's boss.

Short Attention Span Review: "Saturday Night Live" Season Premiere

It's a good thing Megan Fox has looks going for her, because she's a pretty terrible actress and she simply cannot bring the funny. Of course, it probably doesn't help that the writers only seemed capable of giving her material that involved either 1) being a pinup girl or 2) being vapid.

Weekend Update? Not very funny. They're hamstringing the show by wasting their better material on the Thursday episodes.

The two performances by U2? Quite good.

And the f-bomb inadvertently uttered by the new cast member? Best moment of an otherwise meh night.

Short Attention Span Review: "Dollhouse" Season Premiere

This show was up and down for me last season. It ended mostly on an up note, especially with the surprise renewal.

I DVRed the show Friday night. I started watching it on Sunday while taking a break from hunting for missions in World of Warcraft's Blade's Edge Mountains (where I was hoping to get my On the Blade's Edge achievement). I discovered that I didn't care at all about the plot involving Agent Helo, Echo, and Apollo Brit-Style, but I did enjoy the Topher/Amy Ackscar story. However, even THAT got old for me.

Eventually, I opted to go get drunk on WoW's Brewfest. Yes. I preferred to stare at a screen getting increasingly blurrier due to virtual alcohol. I'm fairly certain this means Dollhouse is doomed.

Short Attention Span Review: "Fringe" Season Premiere/Second Episode

I loved this show last season.

I greatly enjoyed the season premiere, with the Terminators who transform using iPod cords and the parallel universe wackiness.

That said: The only thing I really enjoyed about the second episode was the subtle reference to the fact that Professor Hobbit-Shouter stole Pacey from another dimension. The crazy monster-of-the-week? That plot was used on an old X-Files episode and it was done better back then.

Still watching, but growing weary of X-Files rehashes.

Short Attention Span Review: "Heroes" Season Premiere

Heroes is back. Do I actually care?

Well, only a little.

I'm very intrigued by the carnival storyline. Consider me mildly interested in the Nathan/Sylar drama. And I'm meh about Parkman, although I got a kick out of his MindSylar moments.

Can't muster up much love for the Tracy/HRG business, but did enjoy Ray Park and his two-bladed zoominess.

Worth watching for another week.

Short Attention Span Review: "House" Season Premiere

House is back!

In the season premiere, he's in the loony bin. By the end, he's out of it - after playing One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest for a while, nearly getting a fellow patient killed, and having an affair with a married woman in the ward.

On one hand, I'm glad they're not spending much of the season following House's misadventures in the asylum. On the other, Andre Braugher is outstanding and I hope they bring him back for more wit-matching against House.


A fun, well-produced return of the show.